


next to you

by mxlorierie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Development, Growth, Hurt/Comfort, Karasuno Family, M/M, They'll be okay, an intervention happens, angsty hinata, basic tags out of the way yay, eventually, hinata cries in this one, hinata has abandonment issues, hinata is insecure, kageyama comforts hinata, kageyama isn't good with feelings, late night runs, no beta we die like men, sad hinata, soft kagehina, sugawara to the rescue, sunrise, they will be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24790741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxlorierie/pseuds/mxlorierie
Summary: "it's late, shouldn’t you be asleep?"in which Hinata tries to convince himself he deserves his place next to Kageyama.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 2
Kudos: 161





	next to you

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a list of 100 prompts I used to challenge myself.
> 
> hi !! it took me about a week to finish writing this, but I couldn't not finish it. the piece is pretty close to my heart, so I hope you all enjoy!! <33
> 
> let's just pretend this isn't me trying to cope with the fact that haikyuu is ending ahahaha...
> 
> comments are very much appreciated <333

**EIGHTEEN** **_-_ ** _"it's late, shouldn’t you be asleep?"_

_KAGEHINA_

_Not canon compliant_

* * *

_"Hey, Hinata."_

The orange-haired boy in question caught the ball he's been tossing at the wall and turned to face his friend. "Oh, yeah, Kageyama?" Hinata's seemingly innocent, but blank, doe-like eyes pierced into the setter's own dark ones. Looking at the boy in front of him, Kageyama felt his own spirit deflate a little. He genuinely hoped he wouldn’t see the boy in front of him right now during his early morning jog that day. Not because he simply didn’t want to see Hinata, no. Although Sugawara-senpai told him to expect this, he still hated seeing Shoyou this way. Hinata started training _far_ too much all over again, and he was practically abusing his own body. Kageyama and the rest of Karasuno had been trying to get the boy to talk about it countless times, but it was only last week that they seemed to get through to him.

Well, they thought they did.

If they really got through to Hinata, then the demon pair shouldn't be together right now, in the middle of the night, outside the gym.

But they were.

* * *

It hadn't been that long since they won against Aoba Johsai. One would think that they could take a short break after such a historical win, but not for Hinata, apparently. Ever since they won, Kageyama, Suga, Daichi, and even Tsukkishima have been bumping into Hinata practicing at the strangest hours. During lunch breaks, extending after practice, and even dead into the night when some of them would go jogging to ease up their minds. They would almost always find Hinata training somehow. They tried to brush it off, at first. They thought nothing of the boy's extra practice. Considering the fact that Hinata was never the type to stay still for a long period of time, all this extra practice wasn't out of character for the young boy. Soon enough, however, it became too much— Hinata no longer smiled. Gone was the shining joy that used to be everpresent in his eyes, and gone was the lighthearted bickering he used to take part of. At this point, not even Kageyama could find any trace of the Hinata that they knew, inside that blank looking boy in front of them.

Sugawara was the first one to speak up about it.

After a whole month of barely seeing Hinata _not_ practicing, Kageyama and the others' worries were just getting worse. Whenever they even tried to bring it up, however, the short boy just brushed it off, telling them that he just wants to keep getting better. Despite the cheery disposition and somewhat positive attitude, none of them could ignore the growing eye bags under his usually bright eyes, nor his increasingly pale skin. Suga couldn't take it anymore and he finally stepped in one night, after practice.

_Before training, Daichi formed somewhat of a plan with the rest of Karasuno. Even Tsukki was getting concerned over the boy's obsessive behavior. He'd never been the type to care much about things like these, but the light in Hinata's eyes was gone. He had completely stopped responding to both praise and insults (the latter being mostly from Tsukki himself), only ever staring blankly straight, then going on to continue the practice games. They all wanted to make sure to talk about it that night._

_It started out innocent enough. Daichi brought up that he passed by Hinata again during his early morning jog. Hinata didn't have keys to the gym, so he was only spiking at the wall when the captain found him. As usual, Hinata brushed him off, trying to convince them he's fine. He smiled at them with a face that would shrivel and die when compared to his formerly bright demeanor. He looked nothing like the Hinata they knew._

_He acted nothing like the Hinata they knew._

_It was all fine, with Yamaguchi and Nishinoya piping up about it too. Both were trying to pep-talk Hinata, reminding him that they all need to rest. Daichi moved to pat Hinata on the back and, well, that was the breaking point._ _The moment his hand touched the shorter boy's shoulder, Hinata turned and slapped his hand away. His orange eyes blankly staring at nothing. Everyone stared at what just happened— all of it seemed too unreal to actually have happened._

 _Only after a moment, Hinata finally seemed to have realized that he acted out of character. He immediately tried to shuffle back into the shell of his old self, and he looked apologetically at Daichi. "I'm sorry, Daichi-senpai." He scratched the back of this neck and gave his captain a sheepish smile. "I guess I got surprised, is all. Must be the coffee I've been drinking." Daichi still couldn't find the words to respond— his shocked eyes still staring at Hinata. E_ _veryone knew that Hinata didn't drink coffee. Ever. He would try it every now and then, taking sips from Kageyama or Ennoshita-senpai. It never grew on him— so what made him start drinking now?_

_Hinata looked around him and tried to smile at everyone. No one was fooled, however. Though Tanaka was absolute trash at English, he knew his teammates. He was no idiot. Sugawara took a step forward and rested his own hand on Daichi's shoulder. This woke the captain up, and Suga began talking._

_"We're not idiots, Hinata." Everyone's faces were all surprised before, but Sugawara's statement made almost everyone take a step back in shock. Tsukki's mouth dropped open, with his eyebrows raised to his hairline. If the tension in the air was thick before, this was just suffocating._

_"What do you mean, Suga-senpai?" Hinata still insisted on the innocent act. "Close the door, Tsukkishima." Sugawara stared right into Hinata's eyes as he made the order. Still slightly in shock, Tsukki knew this wasn't a time to ask questions. For once in his life, he just did as he was told._ _Hinata…" they continued to stare at each other. "Sugawara-senpai…" they would never have thought there was a mocking tone in Hinata's voice if he was acting normal, but this was a whole different person. His voice seemed light enough, but with a mocking undertone._

_"Hinata, you need to stop. This isn't healthy for you." Hinata tried to interject, but Suga didn't let him. "No, no more acting stupid. You may be terrible at English, but you're not an idiot," The senior setter's body relaxes ever so slightly when he moves to a neutral standing position. He sighs and takes a deep breath before continuing, "Hinata, please promise me you'll stop abusing your body and rest." He takes a deep breath. "We miss the Hinata we all know and love… Hinata this… this isn't you." Sugawara's eyes were pleading, and the rest of Karasuno let out a breath almost all at the same time. Kageyama was trying to catch Hinata's eyes, but the boy was unmoving._

_Daichi took this silence as his turn to speak up once more. As usual, he patted his hand on Sugawara's shoulder when he smiled at Hinata. "We're just worried about you, okay, Hinata?" Nishinoya jumped in as well and exclaimed "Shouyo!!!" He moved to hug his partner-in-height. "We miss high fiving after games. You don't smile at us anymore." Noya gave what looked like an attempt at a pout._

_"Hinata…" Kageyama started, and everyone, including the short middle blocker, turned to look at him. Everyone was staring, now. Kageyama was looking at the floor but turned to Hinata when he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "I want the Hinata I know back."_

_Hinata showed his first semblance of real emotion that night when his eyes widened slightly at his setter's words. Finally, he looks down in shame. "I'm… I'm sorry, everyone." Hinata whispers. Everyone's facial expression softened at this, except Tsukki._

_After apologizing, Karasuno saw a sliver of the happy boy they knew. Hinata pinky promised Daichi that he would take better care of himself, just before Nishinoya jumped to hug the shrimp-headed boy again. At this, the rest of Karasuno followed. Eventually, Tanaka, Yamaguchi, and even Asahi joined in on the group hug for the boy that they all worried over for weeks. Kageyama didn't join the hug but patted Hinata's back eventually. He tried to give the shorter boy a smile, and Hinata returned the effort with a beaming smile akin to his old self. Drifting around the edges of the group, Tsukki and Sugawara remained slightly cautious. Sugawara had a smile on his face, but the look the two shared was proof enough that they weren't fully buying it. Neither was going to voice their thoughts now, however, and they chose to keep it to themselves for now._

_After the hugging fest, Hinata was smiling again. His eyes were still rather empty, but it was still more than what they've had in the past month combined. It felt as if a weight was lifted from the whole team. One by one, and occasionally in pairs, the volleyball players all said their goodbyes and left to go home. Tsukki and Suga shared another look, but Sugawara just nodded at the tall boy, signaling that he can leave. Hinata, Kageyama, Sugawara, and Daichi were the last to leave— Daichi always had to leave last since he had to lock up. Of course, Sugawara stayed with him every time. They left in pairs, but Suga quickly whispered to Daichi that he should distract Hinata for a little while._

_With that, Sugawara went straight for Kageyama, singing out "Kageyama-san!~" the setter in question dumbly looked at his senpai. "Yeah, Sugawara-senpai?" The two began talking about different strategies that could be applied along with the improvement they've had in their more recent practices. While doing this, Suga could distantly hear Daichi asking Hinata for his thoughts on strategies for a possible future game with Nekoma. Slowly but surely, Sugawara distracted Kageyama enough that they were already walking a decent distance in front of the other pair._

_When he was satisfied with the distance they had made, Suga immediately shifted from talking about game techniques, to: "Kageyama, don't believe anything Hinata says for now, okay?" The genius setter was surprised by the sudden change of topic, but Sugawara whispers that they should continue acting like they're talking about volleyball tactics. Kageyama nods, and asks "what do you mean, senpai?" Sugawara looks straight ahead, with a determined look on his face. "I'm glad that we actually got somewhere today— I definitely didn't expect him to slap Daichi's hand off, but it all ended fine enough. But…" Suga sighs. "There's no way he's gonna make an immediate shift just overnight. I was hoping I could ask you a favor." When Kageyama nods to show his understanding, he continues. "Please keep a watch over Hinata for a while. I don't want him to feel like we don't trust him, but making sure that he doesn't revert back to his unhealthy habits is our priority for now." They walk for a bit in silent contemplation. Suga stops walking and turns to fully face Kageyama, who stops as well. Sugawara smiles and says "I trust you, Kageyama. I have a feeling that this won’t be the last of this version of Hinata, but I'm sure you can handle it. I can't thank you enough." Before Kageyama could reply, Suga spun around to jog back to his beloved captain, exclaiming that he's finally solidified a new strategy they could try out in their next practice. The group splits ways eventually and they all walked home silently, still thinking back to what happened just a few hours before._

  
  


* * *

_“Oomph.”_

Kageyama’s vivid recollection of that day was interrupted by Hinata tossing a ball to his chest. “What’s up, Kageyama? You called me then you spaced out.” The shorter boy continued spiking to the wall but glanced over to Kageyama every so often. The dark-haired boy wanted to glare at the boy in front of him for the ball to his chest, but all his irritation faded immediately when his dark eyes connected with Hinata’s empty ones. “Hinata… **it's late, shouldn’t you be asleep?"** _late_ was a huge understatement. It wasn’t even late. It was early as hell, without the sun up in the sky yet. Hinata resorted back to his little “innocent” act that he used for so long a few weeks back. At this point, Kageyama just wanted to throttle the damn shrimp until he admitted as to why the _hell_ we wouldn’t let go of his abysmal training. Fortunately, Kageyama did not follow through with said strangling (though he _really_ wanted to). Hinata’s behavior didn’t discourage Kageyama. Instead, it pushed him to talk to Hinata the way he knew how.

“Hinata, you idiot!”

Kageyama’s sudden exclamation of his favorite phrase made Hinata stop in his motions. The ball ended up bouncing against the wall, but without Hinata’s full attention, it just hit him square on the head. He turned around to face Kageyama, but all he wore was a small pout. No shouting back, no petty anger, no trace of the old Hinata. Kageyama hoped calling him an idiot would be enough to snap him out of it but it seems that was not the case.

“Hinata you utter dumbass!!” Kageyama repeated, getting more and more agitated. “You promised Sugawara-senpai. You promised Karasuno, you….” the emotionally inept boy tried to look for the right way to say his next words, but ended up shouting whatever was on his mind anyway, as usual. “You promised _me!_ ” Kageyama’s shouting made his body shift into a slightly defensive stance subconsciously. Hinata, on the other hand, had not moved the whole time. “You utter idiot, you promised all of us you would stop! Do you not realize how your self-abuse is, oh I don’t know, _abuse_ ??” Kageyama takes a deep breath to reel himself in. “Hinata, talk to us! This isn’t like you, and you know it. Stop acting like an idiot even though you’re a full-blooded dickhead. Training like this and hurting yourself won’t get you anywhere _—_ ”

_“That’s the damned fucking point!”_

Hinata’s shout stops Kageyama from finishing his scolding session. Kageyama’s eyes widen because he’s never heard the innocent boy curse in his life. They were almost always together, and yet…

“Kageyama… I’m not like you.” Hinata begins. Kageyama could do nothing but stare and listen as the boy finally spoke honestly for the first time in months. “I wasn’t born a volleyball genius, okay?” Kageyama made a move to interject, but Hinata held a hand up to stop him. Kageyama had said his piece. It was his turn now.

“The battle with Aoba Johsai made me realize a lot of things. I realized that maybe… maybe hard work won’t always get you the things you want, nor the things you deserve. When you’re cursed and unlucky, maybe you won’t even get the things you deserve no matter how much you want it.” Hinata began pacing around, unable to stand still. His eyes looked at everything _except_ Kageyama. The beginning of the sunrise was starting to show, and the light danced around the leaves of the trees around them. Hinata chose to focus on that. “Kageyama…” he tried to start again. “Kageyama, you told me that I am invincible with you.” His pacing pauses for a moment, before resuming slightly slower this time, with his hand motions as big as usual. “It made me think… what am I without you, then? I’m nothing like you. If I don’t train like fucking Satan is coming after me, then I’ll never reach your level of skill _—_ and I _need_ to reach that level. Kageyama, you’re going to reach even greater heights. Hell, we’re reviving Karasuno, and we have a shot at Nationals! Without you and your genius brain, that might have never happened. Myself, on the other hand? I’m just another volleyball shortie trying to make a difference.” Hinata stopped pacing and simply fell down to sit on the floor. Kageyama made a move to approach him, but Hinata just raised a hand once more to tell him that he wasn’t done just yet. Staring at the ground, tears began to fill Hinata’s eyes, but his voice didn’t waver at all.

“Tobio…”

Kageyama was visibly shocked by the use of his forename. Yes, they were almost always together and yes, they were practically partners on the court but… this was the first time Hinata used his first name.

“I just wanted to belong.”

The surprise in Kageyama’s face was instantly replaced with blatant confusion. He tried to ask Hinata to expound on that thought, but his questions were cut off when Hinata turned to face him with tears in his eyes. Kageyama didn’t understand. Hinata very clearly belonged with Karasuno. He got along with everyone. He was the classic lower batch friend for Daichi and Sugawara-senpai. He and Nishinoya-san got along amazingly well, the same with Tanaka-senpai. How could he say that he wanted to belong? Kageyama’s inner ramblings were soon interrupted once more by the once energetic boy. Hinata let out a somewhat sad sounding chuckle.

“I didn’t mean Karasuno,” he said with a sad smile.

Hinata turned to look at Tobio in the eyes, piercing his dark ones all over again.

“I wanted to deserve my place next to you.”

“I wanted to belong next to you.”

A mix of even more confusion and shock flooded Kageyama’s eyes. Hinata was shooting so many bullets tonight, Kageyama wasn’t sure if he could keep up with all this. He had to, though. For Hinata.

“Tobio, you want to reach the greatest heights _—_ and so do I. The only difference is that I want to reach my dreams with you by my side.”

Kageyama was at a loss for words, but Hinata just kept on going. His bright orange eyes turned back to face the sky that was quickly brightening. With tears still lacing his eyes, he continued. “You might think that I’m being silly or stupid for betting so much on you, but I just can’t help it. When I think of my future, I see you in it. I just can’t seem to imagine a future in which I’m happy without you. In each and every version of my future that I imagine, you’re by my side.” Kageyama continued to stare at Hinata, who was staring at the clouds. “Despite all that, I know I could never forgive myself if I held you back. You— you’re _made_ for those heights. Both literally and figuratively. I had to keep working and working so that I could never be left behind.”  
  


“We both knew that I needed you.”

“I just wanted you to need me too.”

Hinata finally stopped crying; his tears no longer flowing down his face. Instead, he wore a weak smile paired with sad eyes. “I had to work hard extra hard to be able to stay by your side because, well…” Hinata looked back to Kageyama for the nth time that night, but this time… this time Kageyama recognized the Hinata he knew for the first time in weeks. With a smile on his face, Hinata said, “I can’t bear to lose you, Kageyama.”

In a moment that seemed to go on for forever and yet was also over in the blink of an eye, Kageyama walked towards Hinata. In one fluid motion, he pulled the shorter boy up to stand, before he enveloped him in a warm hug. With the sparks of the old Hinata returning due to the confession, the energetic boy began struggling, trying to wiggle his way out of Kageyama’s grasp. The taller boy’s grasp did not loosen an inch. Rather, he rested his chin on Hinata’s bright orange hair. As he did this, an idea popped in Kageyama’s mind and he gave it no further thought before saying—

“Shouyou.”

At that, Hinata immediately froze.

“Shouyou, you dumbass.” Hinata’s body seemed to relax at the familiar insult-turn-endearment. “I’m not going anywhere, you idiot.” Kageyama pulled away just enough to look at Hinata’s face. “Not without you.”

Kageyama was not the type to express his emotions freely— not now, not in his whole history of existence. Seeing the slow transformation from Hinata’s sad shock into his familiar beaming smile, however, quickly washed away any insecurity or fear he was feeling. At his words, Hinata only gasped and held onto Kageyama even tighter. The full glow of the sunrise began to shine on Hinata’s face, as it also reflected on the new tears he was beginning to shed. Despite this, it was obvious that the tears were not sad ones if his increasingly large smile was anything to go with. Kageyama began to seriously wonder if Hinata could split his face, but then reminded himself that _this_ was the Hinata he knew… the Hinata he loved.

They held each other for a while longer, a small smile making its way on Kageyama’s face. They only stared into each other’s eyes smiling, until Hinata buried his face into Kageyama’s chest and gripped him harder (if that was possible). The short boy mumbled, “you know we have a lot to talk about, right?” a small sigh escaped Kageyama, but he nodded anyway. He knew that Hinata’s worries wouldn’t disappear just like that. He had plans, though, and decided to share it with Hinata.

“I know, Shouyou. I’m not going anywhere, don’t you worry. We’ll have all the time in the world to talk. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here with you.”

Kageyama felt rather than saw Hinata’s answering smile. They continued to stand like that for a while longer before Kageyama turned to look at the sky, and Hinata followed. There they stood, in each other’s arms, as they watched the sky turn from the brilliant warm tones of Hinata’s eyes, into a lighter version of Kageyama’s peaceful blue ones.

They had things to talk about, yes, but for now? This was enough.

Having each other was enough.


End file.
